I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
