i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
