@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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