I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How external is "for external use only"?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
