So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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