she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
