so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
