He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
