I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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