My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
