at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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