I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
