So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
