It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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