Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
