Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
