What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
