she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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