We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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