Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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