It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
