theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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