So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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