Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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