I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize