Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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