By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
