I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He has the fingertips of a God
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
