I feel like I'm in dance class right now
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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