i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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