it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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