We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
