Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
