I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize