I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
