do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
