The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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