i permit you to call me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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