My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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