Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
