when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
