my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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