I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
