There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
