We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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