and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
