and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
