too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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