girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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