he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were destined to go to rehab together
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
