but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize