if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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