I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
