plz talk dirty to me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
