My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
