Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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