The maid of honor just puked.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
