I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
