I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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