Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize