just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Someone shattered a urinal.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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