sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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