You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
