I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
