It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize