Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
