i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
