When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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