There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
