Can i not drive my cunt home
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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