why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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