Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
two words...techno handjob
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
