so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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