Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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