ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
