Plan B is the new Plan A
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
