I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
