Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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