Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
