Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
