You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
