my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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