I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
