I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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