I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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