my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
