hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
