I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
