I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize