i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think my moral compass just broke
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