True but thats because hes a fetus.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
