What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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