yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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