i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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