I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
