does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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