Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
