I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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