is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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