just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
