1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
