Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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