thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
