Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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