Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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