She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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