she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
