Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
