Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
