Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
