Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
